when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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