When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
