new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So much rum. So many feels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
