i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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