Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
