I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can text with my tongue
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
