we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
