He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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