That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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