I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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