Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
