Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
