i was born a porn star she said
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
