girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
