If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
