I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
