If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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