If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
