to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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