You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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