Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The air was thick with penises
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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