We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
