I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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