Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
