I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
