My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
