You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
