i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i believe in u and ur pee
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
