This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Randomize
