Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
