community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
