I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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