Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
