3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
