yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The air taste purple.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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