Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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