so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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