Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
