its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
