how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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