Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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