I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
