awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
