you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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