I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
