a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
