i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
whose parrot is this?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Two words: nipple clamps
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