Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
