I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize