and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
