IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
