I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
