it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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