But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
