Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
