i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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