dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
