his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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