God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
