This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
