Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
