I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
