I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just made my gag reflex go away.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize