how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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