How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
