um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
