We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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