A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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