Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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