After last night, I could never be a politician.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
