What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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