I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
