New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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