is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
