I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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