If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
